Teamwork 4.7: Malcolm

My eyes were flickering, opening and closing every half second. Everything was kind of fuzzy and I was clueless as to where I was. It was so dark, I couldn’t even make out my surroundings. The only thing I was sure of is that I was freezing. I’d been warming myself up with booze earlier, but now, I could hear at least three AC’s being blasted, the warmth from earlier had been replaced with a bad hangover, and whoever had brought me here had stripped me down to my underwear.

Shivering, I uttered “M…my jacket. Zelda!”

I would have started walking around to try and figure out where I was, but I’d been chained down to and cuffed to a metal chair. The chair itself was nailed to the floor.

Who could be responsible for this? Well, I was walking around the city drunk off my ass so really anyone could have been responsible. So who would do this?

Smog was the first one to come to mind, but as much as I wanted a chance to take him out, I quickly realized it couldn’t be him. For one, no matter how drunk I was, I would have recognized him and put up a fight. In addition, this wasn’t his style. Even when I lost fights, I made sure to learn something about my opponent. And in this case, Smog had a flare for the dramatic. He’d be sure to be present for when I woke up.

Those dumb kids Raina and Carter had fought a few days ago? I mean, I did shoot one of them. Not to mention that since they were stupid teenagers, they’d probably get a big laugh out of seeing me freezing in my underwear. Raina had told me that their leader could make people hallucinate so it was possible that she could have used her power on me, and have her team abduct me while I was out of it.

Eve would probably get pissed if she found out, but Olivia was the next person who came to mind? She was skilled enough to take me by surprise, especially while I was intoxicated, and seeing as how her mom was the Syringe, she probably knew more than a few things about torture.

I sneezed, snot dropping from my nose.

“Damn cold.”

No, it wasn’t Olivia. We weren’t friends by any means, and while I still certainly didn’t trust her, she wouldn’t do something that would upset Eve, and I think we were on alright terms.

I kept racking my brain, but the loss of feeling in my hand, feet, and ears was making it hard to concentrate.

“AHHHHHHH!” I shouted as boiling water was dumped over me.

My eyes bulged, and while I was able to keep myself from screaming any more, I couldn’t help but sneeze a few more times.

A single light was turned on above me, allowing me to see two men. Judging from their skin tones, they were both Spanish. One was bald and dressed in black from head to toe. The other had hair that was overly neat, and he wore a white suit with a blue shirt, and a daisy over his breast.

“So,” the suited man started, bearing a very thick accent. “You mean to tell me that this one armed, gray haired, old man, is responsible for killing dozens of my men, and blowing up eight of my kitchens?”

“You forgot handsome,” I spat, still in a lot of pain, but grateful that my tongue hadn’t gotten burned.

The man in black punched me in the jaw.

It hurt, but that was more to do with the fact that my jaw had gone numb. He wasn’t all that strong.

Massaging his knuckles, the man in black answered “Yes. He is.”

The suited man leaned in, slamming his hands against the arm of the chair I was in.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No, “ I answered. “Do you know its really stupid to get this close to your prisoner?”

The suited man back handed me. He was even weaker than the other guy.

Before they said anything else, I rapidly attempted to figure out who I was dealing with. From what he’d said, he was definitely a drug kingpin, but I’d fucked over a lot of those and my memory was hazy at the moment.

“I am Esteban Loyarte,” he said with pride before smacking me again. “Now there’s no way you’ve done all of this by yourself, and if you want to live, you’re going to tell me the names of every person who has assisted you.”

Now I remembered him. Esteban Loyarte ran an international drug cartel, to my knowledge the second largest one in the world. A few different governments knew all about his operation, but none of them had the knowledge or the man power to take down the entire operation, especially since at least three powerful Demigods were known to work for him. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he said I’d killed dozens of his men. I really had killed a lot of them. Eliminating one of his kitchens had actually been the last job I’d pulled before coming to Bluejay. He must have somehow tracked me down.

Still, he wanted to know who had helped me take out eight of his kitchens, and I was more than happy to give my sisters some credit.

“Lets see. Sparky came with on a couple jobs. Carolina and Megan dealt with another few. And just recently, Chewie and Dot helped me wipe one out.”

“Who the Hell are you talking about?” Esteban asked.

“Oh, and how could I forget. Zelda is here right now, and as soon as I find her, we’re going to kick your asses so hard.”

The man in black punched me in the stomach again.

“There is no one else here,” Esteban said, pulling out a sidearm. “Now, you’re going to give me the full names and locations of all your associates or I start shooting!”

Hello there, the gun said to me. Real sorry about this. It seems that I’m about to kill you.

I smiled.

“I wouldn’t bet on it. What’s your name?”

Esteban pistol whipped me.

“Are you stupid?! Do you have a death wish?!

My name is Lillian. What about you?

“You can call me Malcolm.”

Esteban shot me in the shoulder.

“Fuck,” I muttered.


“Talk. Now!” Esteban shouted. “Anymore nonsense and I blow off your balls!”

Speaking quickly I asked Lillian “Do you support this asshole?”

Not really.

All I needed to hear.”

It didn’t matter to me if Lillian wanted to become part of my family or not. All that was important was getting her out of an environment she wasn’t happy in.

“That’s it!” Esteban shouted.

Before he could shoot, I used my entire body weight to pull out the nails tethering the chair to the floor, spun around, and knocked Lillian out of Esteban’s hand by slamming the chair into Esteban’s arm.

The man in black pulled out a gun, but not fast enough, as I leaped up and smashed the chair over his head.

With him unconscious and the chair destroyed, I slipped the chains and cuffs of my person. While I was doing that, Esteban managed to slip away into the darkness.

Rather than go after him, I laid on the ground and rested.

Hey!, the golden gun which belonged to the man in black shouted. Who do you think you are? Do you know who you’re fucking with?

Not all guns were good. I treated them like I did awful people.

I took a sharp piece of the chair which had broken up and stuck it through the gun.

Uh, Malcolm, shouldn’t you, you know, go after him before he gets reinforcements? Lillian asked.

“Probably, but the thing is, I’m old, and I was just frozen, boiled, beaten and shot. I could use a minute.”

As it turned out, I didn’t have a minute, as some sort of gas started filling the room. In the darkness, I saw a lit match.

“Oh shit,” I said, crawling towards Lillian. If I could shield her with my body, there was a chance we wouldn’t both die.

So am I special or do you do this kind of thing for every gun that isn’t a bitch?

“Everyone is special,” I said, figuring they were good enough final words.

Luckily for me, they weren’t.

I heard an unfamiliar scream, and the flame disappeared.

An abundance of gunshots started ringing, and I heard a scream which by this point I was very familiar with.

“Malcolm!” Carter shouted, running into the light, in full costume with electricity around him, and looking like he was about to piss himself.

“Carter? What the Hell are you doing here?”

He stopped running and explained what had happened.


“No, no. Not that. But I got thum touble and I need your helf.”

“What’s the problem?”


“I’m being chased by giant, livin drawings of dinosaus.”


“Right,” Carter said, holding out the vowel. “So you’re drunk.”


“No! Well, yes, I am, but the giant dinosaus dawings are real. My bullets aren working, and I need you to come shoot your lightning at them!”


Carter sighed.


“Alright. Where are you?”



“But how did you find me here?” I asked, Carter helping me stand up.


“Well I didn’t see any dinosaurs, but I did hear a gun shot while I was pretty close by so I came running. How you feeling?”


Can he really not tell you’re in crappy shape right now?


“I’ve been better. Now look, Esteban Loyarte, head of a gigantic drug ring is here, and I’m pretty sure he’s got someone who can make their sketches come to life here with him. So as much as I want to kill him, I don’t think either of us is capable of taking down both of them and who knows how many other gunmen. I say we find Zelda, get out of here, and come back with Raina.”


Oh shit. I’d just mentioned Zelda to him.


“Well, I knocked out like four guys on my way to you. I’m not sure if any of them were Esteban, but I agree that especially since you were shot, we should get out of here.


Good. He’d pulled a classic Carter and completely ignored the part where I mentioned…


“So whose Zelda?” Damn it! “Is she a woman these guys are holding here?”


A few nights ago, I’d opted not to tell Eve and Olivia about my sisters. I didn’t want to think less of them and vice versa in the event they didn’t believe me. Carter was a like a puppy though. He was nicer and more understanding than anyone I’d ever met, and being honest with myself, I realized that if I could tell anyone about my hermanas, it was him.


“No, Carter,” I said. “Zelda is the name of one of my assault rifles. She’s one of my sisters.”


Before I could go on, I heard the click of a gun. In response, I raised Lillian and shot down the idiot who thought he’d be the one to take me out.


“Malcolm! Please. I know you’ve got no problem with killing criminals, but it’d mean a lot if you would just, you know, not do it in front me. I really don’t support it and it makes me super uncomfortable.”


God he was a pussy. At least Raina had a good reason for not liking killing.


“Now what’s this about you having a sister?”


I took a deep breath.


“All of my guns are alive, and they’re all like little sisters to me.”


“Really?” he asked, not with condescension but with amazement. “Is that gun alive?”


Holy fuck he was actually believing me.


“Uh, yeah. Her name’s Lillian.”


“Hey Lillian. I’m Carter.”


There’s no way this idiot is going to hear me.


“Wow,” Carter said with a dopey smile. “Even guns think I’m an idiot.”


I wrapped my arm around Carter.


“Thank you.”


Every piece of shit who’d heard me talking to my sisters had called me crazy. I’d never once thought that there was anything actually wrong with me, and this proved it.


I let go of Carter and he said “Now lets find Zelda and get out of here. We need to patch you up, and then I was hoping you could help me with a problem.”


“Sure man. Name it.”

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